Waxing and Waning

My libido comes in waves. Some days it just floats in the background, almost indiscernible, a grey shapeless blur that doesn’t distract me, and can be pushed aside when I have more important things in my line-of-sight.

But then something happens, not always tangible, sometimes blatant, sometimes sub-conscious. And then the vague fog begins to become more dense, coagulating into more solid form, points nudging me as the liquid arousal begins to seep into me. My inner animal stirs, and I begin to change form, muscles tightening, flesh hardening, mind narrowing, thoughts focusing.

My concentration wanes, I become distracted, the female form breaking my train of thought, tearing my eyes away from the job in hand.

The 22-year-old emailed me. She is back in the City. We are meeting for lunch next week.

Heat

This close stifling heat makes me feel randy. It’s worse because I’ve been away for a while, and the close proximity to my wife, so any personal handiwork has been off the cards – so I’ve got 10 days’ of semen just waiting to be set free. I’m sure I’ll more than make up for it when I’m in NYC (even though it looks likely I’ll only be pleasuring myself), but the frustration is palpable. A girl just walked past me in a bikini top and shorts, and I nearly tripped over in the street.

In other news, the 21-year-old turned up a couple of weeks ago. She texted me “what would you do if I told you I was outside the office right now?”. My answer, unfotunately, was “nothing”, as I was in an all-day meeting. She should start work nearby soon, so with luck the next time she asks I’ll be able to reply “drag you into the washroom of the local Starbucks, push you to your knees, and slip my cock between those pretty lips of yours”.

I seem be dreaming and thinking about her a lot recently, but that may be a function of my frusation levels…

Grasping the Nettle

Opportunities have never been particularly forthcoming for me – in terms of my situation here, at least. Finding time when I can come up with a plausible alibi, both personally and professionally, is always tricky. Finding a time when they coincide is almost impossible. Add another person into the mix and the already long odds begin to look like America’s national debt.

So it’s particularly ironic that I will shortly find myself in that indebted country, looking out over the Statue of Liberty, and musing on the fact that despite having more freedom than I’ve had for a very long time, it looks very much like I’ll be kicking my heels in a hotel room, staring at the view and wondering what to do with myself. There’s only so much drumming I can do before my fingers seek other activities to occupy them.

So, the question is, should I try Craigslist? Or AM? Or something else? What’s likely to have the best success rate with the least bullshit? What sites actually hold any hope of a guy actually getting anything other than Spam or fake replies?

Come on ladies – and gents – I need your help.

Tagged – Music Meme

I initially said I wouldn’t do this. But since Cate is so unfeasibly hot I couldn’t ignore her.

However.

I will not be doing the 15-track listing favoured by other participants. Nor including my wife, friends or other people I’ve mentioned during my ramblings here. Two reasons… one is risk. I think posting favourite tracks makes for easy identification (or, at least, it adds to the clues). Pictures can’t be googled yet, but song titles can… call me paranoid but since my wife and I have polarised tastes in music the combination might be recognised.

And secondly, this is my blog about my desire for sexual satisfaction and infidelity. Dragging others in is not fair or appropriate.

Mainly, though, I don’t think it’s relevant nor interesting in this context.
I’m looking for somebody to fuck, somebody to have hot illicitly sex with. Not somebody with which I’m going to have ‘our tune’. So the music I like is largely irrelevant – and any liaisons are unlikely to be in a scenario where I can rifle my CD collection and put on some seductive tunes.

So, suffice to say I like a bit of hardcore trance and a bit of Radio 4.

And since I’m being so balshy, I won’t tag anyone else either.

Now, where was I?

So, I’ve been kindof tied up for a few weeks, although not in a good way.

Things have been conspiring against me, socially, at work, and with technology. At least I have the latter resolved now, with the added benefit that I can now glibly scatter comments around the blogsphere to my heart’s content. Which is nice.

More importantly, I’ve had a bit of a “why do I bother” moment – both in terms of this blog and life in general. But I think I’m through it now; maybe I just needed a couple of weeks out from this to remind myself of why I need some alternate female attention.

But now I’ve remembered. So if you can be outside my office at 2pm with no underwear, a firm grip and a set of well-lubricated lips, we can get things moving in the right direction again.

TMI Tuesday

My sloth-dom abated a couple of hours after yesterday’s post, and I was invigorated by a series of technical sessions held across several teams at work. Yes, I’m a geek – so sue me. I aways find a good debate perks me up, so by lunchtime I was buzzing again. I think I may just be tired – the Easter weekend will be a perfect break.

So, questions.

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?

Yes, of course. This is a silly question. I’ve also had a semi-sexual experience with somebody of the same gender*, if you can call a 2-3 minute-long french kiss a ’sexual experience’.

*Am I the only person who gets really irritated at the incorrect use of the word ’sex’ when referring to gender? Yes? Oh.

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?

By commenting on their HNT post?

I tend to just wade in and say hello, and talk. I’m pretty gregarious and if I’ve can come up with a reasonable excuse I’ll talk to anyone. Once the conversation has been struck up and the ice broken, I’ll win my way into their affection with my sharp intellect, my wit and my charm – all of which probably explains why I’ve not really got anywhere with the majority.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer?

Both.

Really, both. I want to be dominated by a strong-willed woman who knows exactly what she wants and will take it ruthlessly and physically.

But I also have an inner strength which I’ve not really ever exposed and which I’d like to unleash, forcing my will on a submissive girl whom I can mold and who will comply with every tiny request, instantly, without question. My fear of the latter is two-fold – whether I can actually let go of my need to pleasure in order to take what I want, and also whether I can control it once that genie is out of the bottle.

Whether the woman that I’d dominate and who would dominate me could be the same person, I’m not sure.

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome?

I haven’t ever had one. I certainly would have a threesome, although I have no real interest in an MMF. A FFM is definitely be something I want to experience – my love for cunnilingus could be sated whilst fucking, and that seems like my idea of heaven.

At the moment I’m more interested in MF first, we can worry about adding more Fs or Ms at a later date.

5. When was the last time you had sex?

There’s two answers to this.

The technical, physical answer is two weekends ago. My wife and I kindof had sortof sex. I slightly penetrated her, and I came in her. But – and this is a big but – it wasn’t what I would call sex. There was no lust, no need, no desire, and no passion. It was almost duty sex, but sort of dead, going through the motions. She is really pleased because she feels that she is now a ‘proper’ wife because we’ve done this 3 times in the last 4 months. You could say this is an improvement since it’s the first time in over a decade for me. Whereas from my point of view it’s almost worse than no sex at all because it’s not fulfilling, it’s not mentally stimulating and it’s only happening because she feels we should, not because she wants to. I can’t refuse, and so it’s difficult and awkward. I’d rather have nothing than a quick uncomfortable fumble where I don’t even achieve 1/3 of my full length penetration.

And then there is the real answer: when did I last have exciting, fullfilling, unrestrained hot sex? And that, my lovers, would be around June 1997.

6. Sex on the first date…good or bad?

Good. Definitely. Do we even need to wait until the first date? If the person is hot, and finds me hot, let’s do it whilst arranging the first date. There’s no need to be coy here.

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons?

Hands. I love hands. I quite often sit and watch girls in public, at work, on the train, etc, and stare at their hands. Slender, sleek fingers just do it for me, I imagine what they would look and feel like wrapped around my hard flesh, or pushing through my chest hair… or perhaps how they might look wandering over her body as I watched…

And I guess wedding dresses. I have many fantasies about them. I don’t know why, particularly.

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner.

I’ve probably covered this reasonably comprehensively, but I’m quite figure-oriented, I suppose. It’s a bit facist, but I really want a woman to be in good shape. I burn a lot of energy and am naturally slim, so I’d like a parner to be similar.

Age-wise, I don’t mind – 19 or 55 or anywhere in between is good. Some people say that having a partner significantly younger is a road to nowhere intellectually, but that’s not my experience – the girls I’ve talked to in their early 20s seem more than capable of holding their own in a conversation. And I won’t make any bones about the fact that I’m not looking for a partner to marry and spend the next 30 years with, so as long as we can have a laugh and just talk, I’m not worried if she doesn’t have a wealth of life experiences. The same goes for the other end of the scale too – a woman in her forties or older would be alluring too.

I don’t have a preference on race (although I’ve always particularly wanted to see a pool of my white running across ebony skin…) and like tall or short girls.

But the most important thing for me is what Ms Cake quoted me as saying in her ‘Justify my Love’ post. A woman needs to be confident in herself, and not worried about her looks, figure, make-up, clothes or hair. A girl who has no doubts about her own attractiveness is guaranteed to be attractive, whatever she looks like.

Pause

Do you ever get one of those days when everything stops?

My walk is slow, the treacle around my feet dragging them back, every step an effort. I shower, the invigorating lather and effervescent bubbles barely jogging me from my near-slumber. I consider release, my hand momentarily wrapping around hard flesh, but the desire is dulled for today at least. The morning tasks, including simply eating breakfast, a struggle that takes every ounce of strength I have, straining every sinew just to lift the spoon of tasteless oats.

This is not my normal, chipper self.

I’m usually a whirlwhind, ceaseless pent-up energy spinning, fizzing, looking for a conduit to escape. I walk fast, barely sit still for minutes at a time, and leap out of bed bolt upright at the call of each morning alarm. My pre-dawn routine packs in more than most would fit in a day, and my boundless energy feels like it needs to be soaked up with activity to quell the risk of bursting out of control.

But today I sit, paused, dozing, and wonder when the next wave of unbounded energy will hit me. I contemplate the darkness in the far corners of my mind, and thick green sticky envy pervades my thoughts as I read about the sexual exploits of my fellow infidels – wishing it was me, but knowing it will not be – and today relishing the brief pause in my drive that allows me not to care about my lack of physical fulfillment.

It will pass.

These hiatus in my energy flow are rare and those that last more than a few hours rarer still. Before I know it my veins will surge with voltage once more, and my tazmanian devil-like blur of activity will resume as I zoom on to grasp the nettle and shake the day into shape.

But while I am mired in the slow treacle world, I stop, savour a modicum of self-indulgent pity, and exhale as I relish the break from normal constant activity.

“We are currently experiencing a technical problem. Normal service will be resumed shortly”