The Things I Miss

Enforced celibacy isn’t just about the fucking – or lack of.

There are things that I miss or miss out on, which are undoubtedly normal everyday occurences for some people. It’s hard not to feel jealous, although I’m certain that there’s an element of “I’m not doing it but everyone else is“, despite the fact that in reality lots of other people are in the same boat. In the blogsphere (ugh, clichéd term, but you know what I mean) it’s even more of a dichotomy, because everyone is writing about (or having) sex, so it reinforces the difference between their lives and mine. This despite the fact that for many of us, we wouldn’t be writing here if our lives were ‘normal’.

So what stuff do I miss that I would have expected or experienced in another life?

1. Having sex in my own home. I’ve owned four houses, and yet have never had sex in any of them. It’s slightly bizarre to think that I’ve never ‘christened’ my own beds, nor done the traditional thing of fucking in each room of a new house.

2. Having sex on my wedding day. Or, I might add, since. Now, I know a lot of people don’t consumate the marriage on the wedding day, because of long days, interfering guests or downright exhaustion at the end of the party. But despite one of my all-time favourite fantasies being to fuck a gorgeous woman in a bridal dress, it never happened. And I suspect there aren’t many who didn’t at least consumate the vows on their honeymoon, even if not on the big day itself.

3. Having sex on holiday. You know, on a beach, in a hotel, sand in awkward places, that sort of thing. I did go travelling with a girlfriend after I graduated, and we did get it on in a couple of countries, but never on a beach (and we didn’t stay in hotels).

4. All Day Romps Linked to (1). Because the only places/times I’ve had sex have been in rented houses (where I’ve shared with friends) or parents’ homes, I’ve never had the experience of easy, relaxed unconstrained sex with no time limits and no hinderance on where, when or how. It’s always been behind closed doors, worrying about making too much noise, or if somebody will walk in.

5. Fondles in Front of the telly I’ve never been able to settle down, watch a movie, and then get distracted from the film and get frisky.

6. Head in the car I had a blowjob once while driving, given by an old girlfriend (while we were still together). Fantastic, if slightly distracting and dangerous. I’ve always been a keen driver, I love the mobility, independence and the thought of going somewhere new. Taking a lover with you – and loving on the journey – is something I love and miss.

7. Raw, hot sex. I miss the fact that I can’t just slip a hand up her top, fondle a nipple and initiate some desire. I know not everyone feels like it all the time (even I, on occasion, have felt a lack of sexual drive…!) but just to brush my hand somewhere erotic and not get a response of “get off!” or “stoppit” would be nice.

8. Her coming on to me. I miss this more than anything. She doesn’t understand raw sexuality, and doesn’t comprehend some of the biological processes that go with them, which means she can’t talk dirty or erotically. And all the while, even on the very rare occasions we show physical affection, I cannot let myself go because her own limits and predelictions are such that I constantly worry about being accused of being a ‘pervert’ or something similar. It’s that ability to be open, physical and accepting of what eac other wants without inhibition that I miss most.

Which is why I need a lover.